Sympathy

Since early July I have been blogging about virtues.

Prudence, Justice, Restraint, and Courage. These are the four Cardinal virtues, the virtues upon which our actions, thoughts, and intentions hinge. Faith, Hope, and Love. These are the three Theological virtues, or the guiding principles by which we set the course of our lives.

Some readers have written to say they have enjoyed reading this series of blogs.

If there is interest in a further exploration of additional virtues, either in a continuous series or intermittently, please let me know.

For now, I thought I would explore another virtue: sympathy.

The dictionary defines sympathy as “the fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, especially in sorrow or trouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration”.

“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” 1 Peter 3:8-9

As I’ve noticed so many times throughout Scripture, in this citation we are given a guiding principle which is immediately followed by a real-world challenge: be compassionate … even to those who are not compassionate to you.

It’s little surprise that sympathy is a synonym of empathy, which the dictionary defines as “the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another”.

So how can we be more empathetic? How can we, as Fr. Joe implores us at the end of each Mass, have a “good” week by loving and respecting one another?

One way to do that, I think, is to be better listeners – myself included.

Some people call this virtue a habit, and they call it active listening.

I came across an interesting website (http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm ) and I’d like to share some of its observations on active listening:

“Depending on the study being quoted, we remember a dismal 25-50% of what we hear. That means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, they only really hear 2½-5 minutes of the conversation.

There are five key elements of active listening. They all help you ensure that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they are saying.

1. Pay attention.
Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message.
Recognize that what is not said also speaks loudly.
Look at the speaker directly.
Put aside distracting thoughts.
Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal!
Avoid being distracted by environmental factors.
“Listen” to the speaker’s body language.
Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.

2. Show that you are listening.
Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.
Nod occasionally.
Smile and use other facial expressions.
Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh.

3. Provide feedback.
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear.
As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said.
This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.
Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. “What I’m hearing is…” and “Sounds like you are saying…” are great ways to reflect back.
Ask questions to clarify certain points. “What do you mean when you say…” “Is this what you mean?”
Summarize the speaker’s comments periodically.

4. Defer judgment.
Interrupting is a waste of time.
It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.
Allow the speaker to finish.
Don’t interrupt with counter-arguments.

5. Respond Appropriately.
Active listening is a model for respect and understanding.
You are gaining information and perspective.
You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.
Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
Assert your opinions respectfully.
Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated.
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Does that last point sound familiar?
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12