Restraint

“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered” Proverbs 17:27

Restraint, or temperance, is the third virtue we are called upon to practice. But what is restraint or temperance, really? Is restraint, as one dictionary definition puts it, a curb on our liberty? In a manner of speaking, yes. Perhaps another way of framing restraint – by comparing it with this virtue’s twin “temperance” which is practice self-control, abstention and moderation – would be to focus on a secondary dictionary definition of restraint which delineates this concept as being “a means of restraint to prevent the infliction of harm to self or others”.

In this age of instant communications, it is harder than ever to exercise restraint after taking offence at someone’s words and deeds but failing to practice temperance in the heat of the moment invariably leads to a rapid escalation of whatever conflict has emerged.

It isn’t easy to practice restraint when someone has said or done something hurtful (anger being the outward expression of hurt) but, in hindsight and in my experience, it is much easier to hold my tongue than to repair the damage done by my words or actions at times of high emotion no matter how many times I say I am sorry.

And I think it goes beyond that. I really believe that this life is a (very long) exam where the same lesson is put to us again and again until we learn our Father’s disciplines and then, I strongly suspect, we’re run through them again but at a higher level of complexity or difficulty to improve our spirituality.

Again, I am not a Biblical scholar or student of theology (although, if I had time and money I would consider studying a Masters in Divinity), I cite the following verse from Scripture to support my argument, in the hope I am not quoting it out of its proper context.

“I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity.” 1 Chronicles 29:17