Sometimes, when things do not happen within my preferred timelines, I feel disappointed or frustrated.
It’s at times like these that I find myself reminded to go back to the premise that life is not chance, but rather a series of events that put our faith to the test so that we can grow our five senses (smell, touch, sight, listening, taste) to develop our spiritual sense.
A Time for Everything
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
I have often found that, although it’s sometimes difficult to accept that things happen (or not right away) for a reason, if I can bring myself to trust that there is a good reason to patiently wait for the outcome I’ve prayed for, it ends up sometimes surprising me and certainly exceeding my hopes.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Sympathy
Since early July I have been blogging about virtues.
Prudence, Justice, Restraint, and Courage. These are the four Cardinal virtues, the virtues upon which our actions, thoughts, and intentions hinge. Faith, Hope, and Love. These are the three Theological virtues, or the guiding principles by which we set the course of our lives.
Some readers have written to say they have enjoyed reading this series of blogs.
If there is interest in a further exploration of additional virtues, either in a continuous series or intermittently, please let me know.
For now, I thought I would explore another virtue: sympathy.
The dictionary defines sympathy as “the fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, especially in sorrow or trouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration”.
“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” 1 Peter 3:8-9
As I’ve noticed so many times throughout Scripture, in this citation we are given a guiding principle which is immediately followed by a real-world challenge: be compassionate … even to those who are not compassionate to you.
It’s little surprise that sympathy is a synonym of empathy, which the dictionary defines as “the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another”.
So how can we be more empathetic? How can we, as Fr. Joe implores us at the end of each Mass, have a “good” week by loving and respecting one another?
One way to do that, I think, is to be better listeners – myself included.
Some people call this virtue a habit, and they call it active listening.
I came across an interesting website (http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm ) and I’d like to share some of its observations on active listening:
“Depending on the study being quoted, we remember a dismal 25-50% of what we hear. That means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, they only really hear 2½-5 minutes of the conversation.
There are five key elements of active listening. They all help you ensure that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they are saying.
1. Pay attention.
Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message.
Recognize that what is not said also speaks loudly.
Look at the speaker directly.
Put aside distracting thoughts.
Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal!
Avoid being distracted by environmental factors.
“Listen” to the speaker’s body language.
Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.
2. Show that you are listening.
Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.
Nod occasionally.
Smile and use other facial expressions.
Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh.
3. Provide feedback.
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear.
As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said.
This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.
Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. “What I’m hearing is…” and “Sounds like you are saying…” are great ways to reflect back.
Ask questions to clarify certain points. “What do you mean when you say…” “Is this what you mean?”
Summarize the speaker’s comments periodically.
4. Defer judgment.
Interrupting is a waste of time.
It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.
Allow the speaker to finish.
Don’t interrupt with counter-arguments.
5. Respond Appropriately.
Active listening is a model for respect and understanding.
You are gaining information and perspective.
You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.
Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
Assert your opinions respectfully.
Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated.
--
Does that last point sound familiar?
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12
Prudence, Justice, Restraint, and Courage. These are the four Cardinal virtues, the virtues upon which our actions, thoughts, and intentions hinge. Faith, Hope, and Love. These are the three Theological virtues, or the guiding principles by which we set the course of our lives.
Some readers have written to say they have enjoyed reading this series of blogs.
If there is interest in a further exploration of additional virtues, either in a continuous series or intermittently, please let me know.
For now, I thought I would explore another virtue: sympathy.
The dictionary defines sympathy as “the fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, especially in sorrow or trouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration”.
“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” 1 Peter 3:8-9
As I’ve noticed so many times throughout Scripture, in this citation we are given a guiding principle which is immediately followed by a real-world challenge: be compassionate … even to those who are not compassionate to you.
It’s little surprise that sympathy is a synonym of empathy, which the dictionary defines as “the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another”.
So how can we be more empathetic? How can we, as Fr. Joe implores us at the end of each Mass, have a “good” week by loving and respecting one another?
One way to do that, I think, is to be better listeners – myself included.
Some people call this virtue a habit, and they call it active listening.
I came across an interesting website (http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm ) and I’d like to share some of its observations on active listening:
“Depending on the study being quoted, we remember a dismal 25-50% of what we hear. That means that when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, they only really hear 2½-5 minutes of the conversation.
There are five key elements of active listening. They all help you ensure that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they are saying.
1. Pay attention.
Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message.
Recognize that what is not said also speaks loudly.
Look at the speaker directly.
Put aside distracting thoughts.
Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal!
Avoid being distracted by environmental factors.
“Listen” to the speaker’s body language.
Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.
2. Show that you are listening.
Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.
Nod occasionally.
Smile and use other facial expressions.
Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh.
3. Provide feedback.
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear.
As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said.
This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.
Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. “What I’m hearing is…” and “Sounds like you are saying…” are great ways to reflect back.
Ask questions to clarify certain points. “What do you mean when you say…” “Is this what you mean?”
Summarize the speaker’s comments periodically.
4. Defer judgment.
Interrupting is a waste of time.
It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.
Allow the speaker to finish.
Don’t interrupt with counter-arguments.
5. Respond Appropriately.
Active listening is a model for respect and understanding.
You are gaining information and perspective.
You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.
Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
Assert your opinions respectfully.
Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated.
--
Does that last point sound familiar?
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Love
“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:9-10
My understanding of this verse is that God loves us, even though we fall short many times of loving God in return by loving and respecting all that God created.
I had this point driven home to me in a most vivid way today. I went to see a friend I’ve know since I was six years old yesterday and we talked until 4 a.m. about the difficult time he is going through and he seemed to be feeling better after our talk.
On my bus ride home today, however, one of the 50 or so people on the bus was full of bluster and fury about how a policewoman had seized his car and fined him a few hundred dollars for being disrespectful to her. He went on and on swearing, vowing to rape her as punishment for her doing what presumably was her job and dismissing the court summons as a trivial detail. Needless to say, the families with young children on the bus were speechless.
This very angry young man kept escalating his offensive rhetoric and berated other passengers for not getting off the bus faster. I bit my tongue instead of rebuking him and wondered about this bizarre episode during my walk home.
“A scoundrel plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.” Proverbs 16:27
Well, this verse certainly would seem to apply in describing this incident. But I couldn’t help but wonder what had filled this 20-something “adult” with so much venom and hatred (and a desire to so publicly make a fool and nuisance of himself).
Then I felt pity for him. I mean, how many friends can someone with this kind of outlook be able to turn to? The friend I had just spent 22 hours with in conversation had confided how isolated and lonely he’d felt during the depths of his troubles. This reminded me of one of Fr. Joe’s sermons in July, when he quoted Pope Benedict XVI defining humanity’s most wretched state as loneliness – that feeling of abandonment and of being unworthy of love.
The young man on the bus certainly didn’t make me feel like getting up and hugging him, to be perfectly frank, but maybe that’s just what he really needed. I have no doubt he will be appearing in court soon and if he makes good on his boast of telling the judge he’ll get his revenge on the policewoman by stalking her and raping her, I have a pretty good idea where he’ll be spending the next few years of his life: in a federal prison where you and I will be paying $125,000 every year for him to be fed, clothed, guarded and – perhaps – rehabilitated.
It’s interesting that earlier this decade Canada’s federal penitentiary system was headed by a revolutionary, and of course controversial, reformer from Denmark named Ole Ingstrup.
Ingstrup reduced the likelihood of Canadian inmates returning to a life of crime to 1 in 4 from 1 in 2 on the premise that men are in jail because they lack respect for people and society in general. (This seems to fit the description of my fellow passenger on the bus.) Ingstrup also started from the idea that women are in prison because of low self-esteem, or lack of respect for themselves.
The chaplain’s office in one prison for women in Ontario reportedly organized a day of manicures and pedicures a few years ago, prompting Toronto’s chief of police at the time, Julian Fantino, to make the following argument to reporters:
“As a society, how can we possibly convince victims and their families that we take their plight seriously when those who have committed truly wicked crimes are given rewards beyond the reach of many Canadians?"
Fantino had a point, but it skirted the basic issue. The question is whether we as a society are best served by a criminal justice system focused exclusively on retribution and punishment or trying to address the root causes of destructive criminal attitudes and attempting to rehabilitate them.
"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” Matthew 5:38-42
Loving your family and friend is easier than loving the guy who sat near me on the bus today.
My understanding of this verse is that God loves us, even though we fall short many times of loving God in return by loving and respecting all that God created.
I had this point driven home to me in a most vivid way today. I went to see a friend I’ve know since I was six years old yesterday and we talked until 4 a.m. about the difficult time he is going through and he seemed to be feeling better after our talk.
On my bus ride home today, however, one of the 50 or so people on the bus was full of bluster and fury about how a policewoman had seized his car and fined him a few hundred dollars for being disrespectful to her. He went on and on swearing, vowing to rape her as punishment for her doing what presumably was her job and dismissing the court summons as a trivial detail. Needless to say, the families with young children on the bus were speechless.
This very angry young man kept escalating his offensive rhetoric and berated other passengers for not getting off the bus faster. I bit my tongue instead of rebuking him and wondered about this bizarre episode during my walk home.
“A scoundrel plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.” Proverbs 16:27
Well, this verse certainly would seem to apply in describing this incident. But I couldn’t help but wonder what had filled this 20-something “adult” with so much venom and hatred (and a desire to so publicly make a fool and nuisance of himself).
Then I felt pity for him. I mean, how many friends can someone with this kind of outlook be able to turn to? The friend I had just spent 22 hours with in conversation had confided how isolated and lonely he’d felt during the depths of his troubles. This reminded me of one of Fr. Joe’s sermons in July, when he quoted Pope Benedict XVI defining humanity’s most wretched state as loneliness – that feeling of abandonment and of being unworthy of love.
The young man on the bus certainly didn’t make me feel like getting up and hugging him, to be perfectly frank, but maybe that’s just what he really needed. I have no doubt he will be appearing in court soon and if he makes good on his boast of telling the judge he’ll get his revenge on the policewoman by stalking her and raping her, I have a pretty good idea where he’ll be spending the next few years of his life: in a federal prison where you and I will be paying $125,000 every year for him to be fed, clothed, guarded and – perhaps – rehabilitated.
It’s interesting that earlier this decade Canada’s federal penitentiary system was headed by a revolutionary, and of course controversial, reformer from Denmark named Ole Ingstrup.
Ingstrup reduced the likelihood of Canadian inmates returning to a life of crime to 1 in 4 from 1 in 2 on the premise that men are in jail because they lack respect for people and society in general. (This seems to fit the description of my fellow passenger on the bus.) Ingstrup also started from the idea that women are in prison because of low self-esteem, or lack of respect for themselves.
The chaplain’s office in one prison for women in Ontario reportedly organized a day of manicures and pedicures a few years ago, prompting Toronto’s chief of police at the time, Julian Fantino, to make the following argument to reporters:
“As a society, how can we possibly convince victims and their families that we take their plight seriously when those who have committed truly wicked crimes are given rewards beyond the reach of many Canadians?"
Fantino had a point, but it skirted the basic issue. The question is whether we as a society are best served by a criminal justice system focused exclusively on retribution and punishment or trying to address the root causes of destructive criminal attitudes and attempting to rehabilitate them.
"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” Matthew 5:38-42
Loving your family and friend is easier than loving the guy who sat near me on the bus today.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Hope
Hope, as a verb, is often defined as to believe, desire, or trust, which is probably why people using this term sometimes dialogue at cross purposes. Whose desire are we talking about? In whom or what do you trust? What exactly do you believe?
Just like with faith, hope is a form of trust. I reckon most people would agree that it is only human to require proof to sustain this other form of trust. I'd like to offer some proof.
This week I’ve read the story of a man in
In both instances I was struck by the journalists’ accounts of these individuals’ apparent serenity after the tumultuous years of soul search and emotional roller coaster caused by their physical circumstances.
This beautiful young woman and this dynamic father are alive and well in spirit.
They never gave up hope. The accounts of their life stories talk of ebbs and flows in their hope, but through pain, patience, and perseverance they have come to see better days.
In his book “Jesus of Nazareth”, Pope Benedict XVI sheds some very insightful light on the Transfiguration (pages 306-307) when he explains:
“…the great events of Jesus’ life are inwardly connected with the Jewish festival calendar. They are, as it were, liturgical events in which the liturgy, with its remembrance and expectation, becomes reality…Our analysis of the connections between the Transfiguration story and the Feast of Tabernacles illustrates once again the fact that all Jewish feasts contain three dimensions. They originate from celebrations of nature religion and thus tell of Creator and creation; they then become remembrances of God’s actions in history; finally, they go on from there to become feasts of hope, which strain forward to meet the Lord who is coming, the Lord in whom God’s saving action in history is fulfilled, thereby reconciling the whole of creation.”
Perhaps skeptics and cynics might read this analysis and dismiss it as the scribbling of an old man blinded by anachronistic thinking. (Anachronism meaning a thing or person that is incongruous, or out of step with, the present time) I write this because just the other day I saw a bumper sticker on a car with the symbols of the world’s three great monotheistic religions with the caption underneath it stating: “Free Your Mind”.
I suppose that if you are convinced that despite the scientifically and statistically near-impossible odds of complex life existing on this planet that we are here by some cosmic fluke, then it would make sense to “free your mind” to believe pretty much anything that suits you. Our omnipotent and loving God gives us the freedom to choose between His desires or our desires. He does not impose Himself on us. He invites us.
Isn’t it interesting that the first of the three temptations Jesus had to face when he began his ministry was to fast in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights at the end of which the devil challenged him to use his omnipotence to convert stones to loaves so he could feed himself. Jesus refused, but as we were reminded on the first Sunday in August, he did multiply the loaves for the masses that gathered to listen to his Word.
I’d like to repeat a quotation I shared in last week's blog on Faith:
“Jesus did not come to make life easy, but to make men great”
I am inspired by the patience and perseverance of the two physically afflicted people I read about this week. They may have come very close to losing hope many times, but they always clung to it.
For what it is worth, when the mother of my children went to her native
I read the Book of Job over, and over, and over again. I read the Psalms. I read the New Testament, the Old Testament, books by C.S. Lewis and others on their spiritual quests to feed my hope of better days. At first there were days where I could not even take things one day at a time, it was one hour at a time.
What got me through this were Faith, Family, and Friends. Thank God for those blessings.
I still have a long row to hoe, but four years after this tragedy, I am still able to fly down to
In that time, I had almost everything that was dear to me stripped away except my hope that God would not forsake me. And in that time my faith grew stronger and stronger to the point where God’s desire for what I am to do with the gifts He has bestowed upon me have become revealed, and they surpass my wildest hopes.
Happy Dia del Nino (Argentinian Children’s Day)
Monday, August 3, 2009
Faith
Faith, this lifelong theme for believers in God is rooted in a word with origins in Latin whose synonym is trust.
Many of us have grown wary in a world that, in many ways, is misleading and so adult trust is much more difficult for anyone to earn than the trust of an innocent child.
Yet, we profess belief in God who frames our relationship with Him, through his Son, as how children ought to relate to their father: by following his good example.
And here is where the obstacle lies: in order to trust, it is only human to require proof.
Humans rely on their five senses – smell, sight, hearing, touch, and taste – to convince ourselves of what is real, a bit like we did six centuries ago when relying on our sight we decided the western horizon of the Atlantic was the outer edge of the flat world from which the ocean cascaded into oblivion. (I am a fan of Owen Barfield' s "Saving the Appearances" - great read.)
But as Fr. Joe summed it up so simply and eloquently at Canadian Press photographer Tom Hanson’s funeral in March, the whole point of human life in this world is to tune our five human senses to develop our spiritual sense.
So, how exactly does one go about developing this sixth sense, the spiritual sense?
I’ve puzzled about this quite a bit and I’ve come up with a starting point that, so far, seems to me to be sound.
I start from the premise that things happen for a reason, that there are no flukes or accidents.
I am not advocating “Intelligent Design” as is espoused so enthusiastically by some evangelical Protestants in the
I personally believe we were created by an omnipotent and loving God who grants us and respects our freedom to choose to either trust in His concept of a good life or our own concept of a good life.
Trusting in God means setting aside our priorities to make place for His.
That is truly a leap of Faith!
But an omnipotent and loving God would not allow us to suffer in vain.
The problem of pain is the subject of another blog, but let me share an insightful quotation I read not so long ago to put human suffering in perspective:
“Jesus did not come to make life easy, but to make men great”
Sounds a lot like Mark 8:34, which says:
“Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me’.”
Doing exactly that is what I call an act of Faith.
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